how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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