M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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