she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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