he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
