that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
