My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
