I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
