Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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