I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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