What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
