based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
