Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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