Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
