Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
