2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
