pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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