Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she told me i tasted like america
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
