My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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