Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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