Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
