I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
