mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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