Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
