honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
