Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
