I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
