if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
