Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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