I looked at my own cervix.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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