I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
