So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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