Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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