So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
