So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Operation Purity has been aborted
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
