Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
