you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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