We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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