I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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