is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
