I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
