hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
