So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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