I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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