Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
