This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
