saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
