Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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