# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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