I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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