My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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