How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
