he referred to my room as the tit cave...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
