my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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