I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
