As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
