"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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