Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
