I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
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the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
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Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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