whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
